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Diary of an AOL User

july 18- i just tried to connect to america online, which I've heard is the best online service I can get. i can't connect, i dont know what is wrong.

july 19- some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. i dont see why. hes just trying to cheat me. how dumb does he think i am?

july 20- i bought the modem. i couldnt figure out where it goes. it wouldnt fit in the moniter or the printer. im confused.

july 21- i finally got the modem in and hooked up. that three year old next door did it for me.

july 22- that three year old kid next door hooked me up to america online for me. hes so smart.

july 23- whats the internet? i thought i was on america online, not this internet thingy. im confused.

july 24- the three year old kid next door showed me how to use this america online stuff. he must be a genius, at least compared to me.

july 25- i tried to use chat today. i tried to talk into my computer but nothing happened. maybe i need to buy a microphone.

july 26- i found this thingy called usenet. i got out of it because im connected to america online, not usenet. i went to the doctor today for my regular checkup. he says that since i connected to america online, my brain has mysteriously shrunk to half its normal size.

july 27- these people in this usenet thingy keep using capital letters. how do they do that? i never figured out how to type capital letters. maybe they have a different type of keyboard.

july 28- i found this thingy called the usenet oracle. it says that it can answer any questions i ask it. i asked it 44 seperate questions about the internet. i hope it responds soon.

july 29- i found a group called rec.humor. i decided to post this joke about why the chicken crossed the road. to get to the other side! ha ha! i wasn't sure if i posted it right so i posted it 56 more times.

july 30- i keep hearing about the world wide web. i didnt know spiders grew that large.

july 31- the oracle responded to my questions today. geez, it was rude. i was so angry that i posted an angry message about it to rec.humor.oracle.d. i wasn't sure if it posted right so i posted it 22 more times.

august 1- someone told me to read the faq. geez, they didn't have to use profanity.

august 2- i just read this post called make money fast. im so exited, im going to make lots of money. i followed his instructions and posted it to every newsgroup i could find.

august 3- i just made my signature file. its only 6 pages long, so i will have to work on it some more.

august 4- i just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. i read a few posts and i really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the earth. i wonder what an "aol" is, however.

august 5- i was asking where to find some information about something. some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. ive looked and looked, but i cant find that group.

august 6- some guy suspended my account because of what i was doing. i told him i don't have an account at his bank. hes so dumb.

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